knowyourneighbor

"Non" Be Gone

Yes, indeed, we have another entry from Dana King. Not only is the content compelling, her slogan "'Non' Be Gone" is one of those keeper phrases that I won't soon forget. I hope you won't either.

...I believe it would be good if we eliminated a couple of phrases from our vocabulary: “nonmember” and “non-Mormon.” Such phrases can be demeaning and even belittling. Elder M. Russell Ballard, Doctrine of Inclusion, Ensign, May 2001, 35.

I’m starting a campaign and I hope you’ll join. It will be life changing – you will become more perceptive and sensitive to others’ feelings. You’ll become a better Christian.

Let me explain. I have long felt that terms such as “non-member” and “investigator” leave visitors to our Church feeling cold and excluded, let alone bewildered. Putting myself in someone else’s shoes, I would not want to be called a non-member, if I were not a member of this Church.

Elder M. Russell Ballard feels the same way:

“Personally, I don’t consider myself to be a “non-Catholic” or a “non-Jew.” I am a Christian. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. That is how I prefer to be identified—for who and what I am, as opposed to being identified for what I am not. Let us extend that same courtesy to those who live among us. If a collective description is needed, then “neighbors” seems to work well in most cases.”

When President N. Rock Erekson, a counselor in the St. Louis Missouri Stake Presidency, served as leader of the Pagedale Branch, he encouraged branch members to eliminate such words as non-member and investigator. The branch council and missionaries suggested alternative descriptions such as: friend, first-time visitor, new-to-the-Gospel, and friend of another faith.

Those who have eliminated the “non-word” from their LDS lexicon tell me it affects people in a couple ways. President Erekson noticed visitors to the Pagedale Branch no longer looked puzzled or awkwardly asked, “What’s a non-member?” But the most striking difference President Erekson noticed was in him: “I felt changed for doing this.”

That is a common feeling among those who have dropped “non-member” in favor of more inclusive language. Kara Hess, community relations assistant for St. Louis Missouri Stake Public Affairs also felt changed: “It has made me more aware of who I am speaking with/about and how I think and interact with friends of other faiths.”

Can simply eliminating a word from our vocabulary help us become more sensitive and perceptive in our relationships? I believe the results show it is an effective way to start.

Try the experiment, if you haven’t already, and join the campaign – “Non” Be Gone! It is simple to participate: just pledge to never use exclusionary terms in any setting – private or public - to describe our friends. It takes a little effort, but the rewards are life changing.

And just think. If every family and ward joined the campaign what can happen? Our foyers and homes might fill with friends and neighbors drawn to us, not only for our choice of inclusive terms, but also for the way we practice our faith as a result of our new-found sensitivity.

If you think your family, ward or stake can benefit from this life-changing campaign, consider sharing this post and leading a discussion in your family or Church council.

Repeat after me: Strike “non” from our lexicon!

Business Cards

With the beginning of the new year, I am happy to announce that Dana King, a finder-of-common-ground extraordinaire, will collaborate with me on the Know Your Neighbor blog. Below is her inaugural entry.

But Ammon said unto him: Nay, but I will be thy servant. Therefore Ammon became a servant to king Lamoni. Alma 17:25

I spent time organizing my business cards on New Years Day. Many have my hand-written notes on the back: “likes helping youth;” “passionate about history;” “wants to learn family history;” “wants to start a non-profit to help families;” “ran for mayor to unite the community”…etc.

The notes, I find, are the most important part of the card. They remind me about the person on the card, their interests and needs, and where we find common ground.

Someone asked me recently, how do you make so many friends? It’s easy for me to enter a room full of strangers and to leave having made many new friends. That was not always the case. When I was called to serve as Director of Public Affairs for the St. Louis Missouri Stake I wondered what a stay-at-home mom would talk about with a Mayor or community leader.

I put in my back pocket statistics about the Church and rehearsed a dialogue to share with Mayors and other leaders. This helped me develop a conversation, but often I sensed I was received as just another person seeking to promote their organization’s agenda. What I found would engage the mayor - literally I would see a sparkle come to the Mayor’s eyes - is when I’d put my own agenda aside and ask the Mayor about the Mayor. I’d ask: “why did you want to be Mayor?” “What do you want to accomplish?” “How might we help?” And I would jot down the answer later on the back of the Mayor’s business card.

Participating in such an exchange always reminds me of Ammon, when he approached the King of the Lamanites. Ammon did not first seek to present his agenda, rather he sought to know the King’s agenda to better serve him. My approach is about that simple. I use my conversations with people to help me understand their priorities and their goals for bettering the community. And more often than not I can find an area where I can help them accomplish some part of their agenda. If I am looking for a specific way a person can help “my” goals, then I may miss the opportunity to serve their needs or find common ground, especially if “my” ideas are not an exact match to theirs.

My cards came in handy recently. The O’Fallon, Illinois stake public affairs council is planning an activity for Black History Month. I searched my cards for friends. I found one I filed six months previously, a Mr. Petty, whom I met at the Black World History Museum Gala Event. My notes: “wrote history of East St. Louis, wants to help youth understand the history.” The O’Fallon, Illinois Stake is committed to helping Mr. Petty with his oral history projects to involve youth in filming and documenting the histories of families in the community. And, in turn, Mr. Petty is offering to help sponsor the stake’s Black History Month activity by providing resources and expertise.

I collected another card just the other day. It was not at a community event or scheduled meeting. Rather it was while I was shopping at Office Depot. I noticed a woman there who was copying brochures advertising a youth program. “Excuse me, but I just happened to notice your brochure, what is your interest in helping youth?” She gave me her card and on the back I wrote: “teaches teens The 7 HABITS of Highly Effective Teens™; may partner to help youth; expressed interest to attend next Stephen Covey Church fireside.”

Like Ammon, our interest in helping others leads us to opportunities where we can partner with newfound friends outside of the church to serve our communities. Making friends – partners – does not have to take tremendous amounts of time. It’s a matter of being observant and genuinely curious about another person’s interests, all in the course of normal living - while shopping, attending a PTO meeting, a social club or a business lunch.

The longer I live the more I am convinced that the Lord brings people together for His purposes, whether to be accomplished today or later. Who would He have you meet today?

A call to arms...and hands

The Lord's work is too vast, too arduous for any one people; God is indeed using more than one people for the accomplishment of His great and marvelous work. Orson F. Whitney

I just can't get this next piece of news off my mind.

The Church's Chief Information Officer (CIO), Joel Dehlin, recently started blogging see www.ldscio.org. Because of the Church's committment to identifying and developing technologies that will further the work of God, Brother Dehlin's stated purpose of the blog is "to have a gathering place for techies who want to understand more about the church's technology."

While it is true that Bro. Dehlin's blog is under the auspices of the church, and KYN-The Back Porch isn't, wouldn't it be terrific if this blog could become one of a number of forums in which we share ideas related to finding common ground with our communities, whether on a personal or institutional basis?

Since launching the Know Your Neighbor website, I have come in contact with many people who are trying to build bridges and to find common ground.

You are doing amazing things.

And I want to know more.

I want to know more about you, to share with you, to support you as we partner with the many people throughout the world that want to do good and be good just like we do.

So, tell me. Tell all of our community, more.

What concerns do you have about bridge-building and finding common ground?

What are you doing individually to build bridges? As a family? As an institution?

Bridge-Building with a Manger

This past week Meridian magazine published an article titled Creches and Carols – A St. Louis Community Christmas Tradition. It was written by a newfound friend, Dana King, who feels as keenly, perhaps even more so than I, the importance of finding common ground.

On the first weekend of December, 500 creches from cultures around the world were displayed at the St. Louis Stake’s Creches and Carols. Despite a snow storm that closed the exhibit the first day, 3000 community members attended this third annual event. Most were either friends of members of the stake or those who had heard about the event from newspaper, TV, and radio announcements. This kind of turnout is typical for large exhibits, says King. And though the data vary on the number, at least 50 major nativity exhibits take place each season, with an estimated 75% hosted by wards and stakes of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

One of the reasons crèche exhibits are so popular amongst stakes and wards is that within any given ward, you can typically find 20-30 unique crèches. As ward members start pooling resources across a stake, adding crèches from their friends and community organizations, the number of crèches available for display easily can get into the hundreds and even thousands.

Because so many people in our communities love the Savior as we do, a crèche exhibit provides an opportunity to partner with our community to bring Christ back into Christmas. And, as Holly Zenger, Director of the Midway Utah Stake Interfaith Creche Exhibit and consultant to the St. Louis Creches and Carols Exhibit remarks, [A crèche exhibit] opens up a whole vision of Christ’s work all over the world.

The Midway Utah Exhibit, now in its tenth year draws 10,000 people. In St. Louis, Missouri, where our church is a minority faith, 3,000 isn’t so shabby. In just three years, it has become a large community event, involving Christian, Muslim and Jewish friends. King adds, And while members of the community come to appreciate and respond to us, on the flip side, Latter-day Saints’ understanding and respect for others is expanded.

Creches.
Carols.
Common ground.

7-year-old patron Kendell Carter summed up this bridge-building event best:

It’s about baby Jesus, and that’s what I like.

Me too, Kendell.

Is this something you’d like to try in your stake or ward?

To learn more about organizing a crèche exhibit, contact Holly Zenger at [email protected].

To find out more about what Dana King is doing to build bridges in St. Louis, contact her at [email protected].

Are there ideas that you would like to share for finding common ground, whether on a personal or institutional level? Tell us more.

The Lights of Christmas

Christmas lights symbolize the light of Christ and the love of Christ.

Two recent news stories exemplify the spirit of Know Your Neighbor.

The first example comes from an Arizona Republic article titled Catholics and Mormons join at annual event. Reporter Dianna M. Nanez writes of an on-going friendship between local Catholics and Mormons, a friendship which began as a result of a 1999 letter written by Father Doug Loring, of St. Anne’s Catholic Church, to President John Lewis of the Gilbert Stake, a town with a sizeable Mormon population.

When a white supremacist group, the Devil Dogs, arrived in Gilbert, Father Loring, hoped that a co-operative effort amongst religious denominations could quell rising tensions. He had just been to Glamoc, Bosnia-Herzegovina, and seen firsthand the devastating impact of religious warfare. He shares, “[Glamoc] was a town not different from Gilbert, beautiful homes and people used to providing for themselves, torn apart by religion and politics….Thinking of what I’d seen in Glamoc, and what was happening with the Devil Dogs and our teens, it was too much.”

Subsequent to Loring’s letter and a meeting to seek out common ground, the Catholic and Mormon congregations have joined forces in numerous service projects, culminating with an annual joint Christmas concert at the Mesa Temple.

The second example, appeared in the Pembroke Mariner and Reporter, and was titled Lights add to neighborly atmosphere. Reporter Sarah Wolfgang writes of a Pembroke, MA neighborhood with some “twenty families that are pretty close. For the decade the homes have existed, most everyone…has been there right along.”

This Christmas, their neighborhood decided to buy a single light for each of the trees that line their street – one light at the base of each tree that would shine upwards on its trunk and branches. Why go to all this trouble? One neighbor Beth Dwyer says “[To create] a winter wonderland.” But it seems to go deeper. I can’t help but think that this street lined with lights symbolizes the light of Christ, a light which shines brightly in the hearts of these neighbors who reach out in love one to another.

Is there an opportunity for your stake, ward, Elders’ Quorum, Relief Society, Scout troop to partner with other faiths and community groups to do good?

Have you shared with your loved ones, especially the children in your life, what the Christmas tree lights and the outdoor holiday lights symbolize?

Just like we seek to be

For the most part, our neighbors want to make the world a better place, just like we do. They are kind and loving and generous and faithful, just like we seek to be. Elder M. Russell Ballard

Thirteen year-old Chelsea Kennedy, a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, who lives here in Clinton, MA recently had a conversation with her cousin Meagan, who lives in a predominantly Mormon community. When sharing stories about their lives, Meagan told Chelsea, "I'm not sure if I want Anna to hang out with my group of friends because she's Catholic." Chelsea replied, "If you don't give her a chance, you'll be doing what a lot of people do to me in Massachusetts because I'm Mormon."

Juxtapose this conversation with an interchange in nearby Northborough, MA. Kate MacLean, a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, born with Down Syndrome, has been the dutiful manager of the Algonquin High School Women's Volleyball team for 4 years. Kate's dream of playing on the team came true last month when the team asked her to play in one of the final games of the season. With this gesture, over a dozen young women not only paid tribute to Kate for her service, they taught the community about kindness and generosity. If you would like the full article, I can e-mail it to you.

Perhaps I shouldn't be surprised at the goodness of these teenagers. After all, Northborough, MA is a community where, the clergy meet once a month to figure out what good needs to be done that can only get done by doing it together. The senior member of that group is Father Jim Houston who has been the pastor of St. Rose of Lima Catholic Church for 15 years. Father Houston invites Algonquin choral groups to sing at St. Rose's Christmas Eve midnight mass, and then uses this as an opportunity to know and love the kids in the community regardless of their faith.

It is he who, when tragic events have struck Northborough, has sponsored interfaith services. For one such event, Father Houston asked LDS youth Nathan Heaps to represent the Mormon faith at an interfaith prayer meeting; their friendship was such that, while serving a mission, Nathan corresponded with Father Houston.

It was Father Houston’s parish that passed the plate for LDS teenagers Reed and Rob Nixon, nearly 11 years ago, after the boys were injured in an auto accident (Reed was paralyzed from the neck down, Rob from the chest down), raising over $4,000.

And it was he, who, when learning that teenagers Reed and Rob were priests, respectfully responded, so am I.

Quoting Patti Heaps, Nathan's mother, "Father Houston is a good man."

You know what I'm going to say.

If only. If only Chelsea's cousin, Meagan, could come to Northborough for a day, and see that there are many people in the world, maybe even especially Catholics, who strive to be just as good as we seek to be.

Is there a person in your community who has really made your town or neighborhood a better place?

Why not include them on your Christmas card list -- you don't need to know them personally -- and tell them thank you.

Deck the Halls -- with Pineapples?

He is the very pineapple of politeness. (Richard Brinsley Sheridan’s Mrs. Malaprop)

The pineapple has long been a symbol of hospitality. A sun-loving fruit that will die at temperature below freezing and native to Brazil, the pineapple was discovered by Christopher Columbus in 1493. Historian Hoag Levins teaches that when Columbus introduced the pineapple to Europe, “for Europeans bereft of common sweets, the pineapple became a symbol of royal privilege” because it was a coveted treat, often bestowed as a gift to kings and princes.

Photo source: Scot F. Proctor, Meridian Magazine

In the American colonies, the pineapple took on an expanded meaning. In a land of primitive towns where visiting was the primary means of entertainment, hospitality was central to daily life. Because of its rarity, expense, and royal reputation, guests greeted with a pineapple as the centerpiece of a feast felt especially beloved. In New England, the pineapple came to symbolize a sense of welcoming affection, human warmth and hospitality.

So let’s deck the halls with pineapples! When you invite someone into your home, have a pineapple on hand, whether you serve your guests the fruit or have a pineapple-themed decoration. The pineapple will serve as a visual reminder of your desire to give the gift of hospitality.