knowyourneighbor

A Quaker look at community

Timothy Travis, a devout Quaker, shares some interesting thoughts on the definition of community, as defined below; they are quite relevant to Know Your Neighbor.

Link: One Quaker Take: Universal Language -- Community as a Case Study.

1. Community can mean a gathered group--people who are brought (or come) together for the long term and for an increasingly intense and intimate relationship with one another (and with God). They learn together, support and forgive one another, are joined by a shared experience that is shaping them in a common way, through a common process, integrating them to something larger than they are.

2. Community can also mean a group of people who share an interest or concern of some kind, though, and whose relationship does not extend beyond that. The idea is not so much to grow together as to grow along side one another in regard to that shared concern or interest. People are not so much interested in one another as whole beings, or in growing toward one another or like one another as they are in one or a few aspects of one another's lives--the shared interest or concern.

As you think about Know Your Neighbor, and the difficulty of reaching beyond the comfortable cocoon of your primary community (which for most Mormons is our church community), it is helpful to realize that we actually are a part of many communities under the second definition.

We simply make decisions as to how strong our ties are to those communities, whether school, work, or neighborhood communities.

For those who want to strengthen ties to their secondary communities, Know Your Neighbor provides concrete steps (and encouragement) to do this.

Teaching Kids to Be Neighborly

What a great blog entry from Kori Rodley Irons.

She makes two important points: 1) our children learn to be neighborly as they see us be neighborly; 2) we, and our children, will feel connected to the community as we do so.

I would add that if we are only neighborly to people who are exactly like us -- same religion, for instance -- our children are going to feel the world is a pretty scary place. But if we embrace all people that are trying to be good, to make the world a better place -- just like we seek to be and do -- what a welcoming world our children will find.

Link: Teaching Kids to Be Neighborly - Parents - Families.com.

Who is my neighbor and yours -- you ask?

You decide!

New Convert?

“For behold, the Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil; wherefore , I show unto you the way to judge; for every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God.” Moroni 7:16

I met a sister, I’ll call her Tina. She found Christ two years ago while reading the Bible and it changed her life. Tina’s destructive habits melted away as her life was transformed by the power of the Atonement in a singular and most profound way.

To further her spiritual education and draw her closer to Christ, Tina found a church to attend. Not ours. As she continued her journey of faith she met Latter-day Saint missionaries. They shared with her restored truths she had not considered before. Her faith was strengthened and she chose to join The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Tina shared with me that she was puzzled by the term “new convert.”  She said, “I had to ask the missionaries what that term means. I am not a new convert. I found Christ two years ago. I have added to my faith by joining the Church.”

I have been thinking on Tina’s puzzlement. It does come off as self-righteous, even if not intended, to label someone a “new convert.” In reality each person’s life has been touched by the light of Christ, even if they can’t identify that light as being from Christ. Every person who joins the Church is prepared by Christ’s light.

Do we consider that the light of Christ in others’ lives has the power to change fellow sojourners in a profound way-- even ways as profound as the truths of the restored gospel? Might we consider the “new convert” as a “new friend” or “new member” to validate the truth she/he already knows?

Do you see examples of how the light of Christ is working to bless the lives of your neighbors?

We're not great missionaries. but...

Public affairs and missionary work are two sides of the same coin. Elder Clayton M. Christensen

When Heston Chipman bore his testimony last week, he expressed gratitude for the neighbors and friends who had attended his oldest daughter Talbot’s baptism. Seven neighbor families in total came, not because they wanted to know about our church but because they love Talbot, their darling 8-year-old neighbor, her four younger sisters, and their parents.

When I asked Lee, Talbot’s mom, to tell me about their guests, she said, “They are all our neighbors, people we see at the bus stop twice a day, that our kids go to school and play with, and who we see numerous evenings each week as our families have skating lessons or other activities together. They are the ones who cared for our kids when I went to Canada to take care of my mom; they are our friends.”

Hearing Lee speak so lovingly of her neighbors made Heston’s comment the prior Sunday all the more ironic – which was “we’re not great missionaries, but we are great neighbors.”

To Heston, Lee, Talbot, Ashtyn, McKinlay, Quincy and Emery --

You have found common ground beyond religion: you all want to be good parents; you all want to make your community a better place.

Your friends came to the baptism because they love you, and because they know you love them – no religion strings attached.

If inviting your neighbors into your home and hearts isn’t missionary work, what is?

It's Terrific to Be Specific

Elder Bruce R. McConkie (1915–85) said, “Every truth found in every church in all the world we believe. But we also say this to all men—Come and take the added light and truth that God has restored in our day” (see Russell M. Nelson, “Teach Us Tolerance and Love,” Ensign, May 1994, 70)

When sharing my testimony I used to say that our Church is the “only true Church.”  I don’t say that anymore. Not because it isn’t true, but because it doesn’t help promote understanding.

I have a friend who said she would not join our Church because she believed we didn’t value the truth in other churches. She cited our rhetoric “only true Church” as alienating a whole group of very good people. She didn’t want to be part of a culture she perceived as narrow-minded and insensitive, even though she recognized the good the church does in my life and others. She had many LDS friends, but the rhetoric bothered her because it was not the language she expected from followers of Christ. This language was clearly a barrier to her investigating the Church further.

Some friends tell me that when we say “only true Church” it makes them feel 1) that we don’t believe any other church but ours has truth; or 2) that others not of our faith are not true believers in Christ. Neither is accurate. 

We can be cavalier and say, “Well the statement is true, therefore it is OK to say. Some will be offended by the truth, right? Don’t the scriptures tell us that?”  Let’s be clear: a statement, while being true or correct, may not promote understanding. It does matter how we say it.  It takes real caring and sensitivity to consider how someone else receives our message.

So how do we say what we mean? I once heard an English teacher say: “It’s terrific to be specific.”

I tried this. A woman asked me if we believe we have a monopoly on truth, if we believed we were the only true church. I said, “No, we don’t believe we have a monopoly on truth.  We believe all churches have truth. What we do is invite you to see if we can add to the truth you already know.”  She said, “I like that.”  By being specific and to the point, I was able to validate the truth between us and find common ground. As a result our conversation continued with warmth and understanding; there was no barrier as we shared our deepest convictions with each other.

In what ways can you share how the restored gospel has made a difference in your life? How has it brought you close to Christ?  How has it helped you understand His atoning sacrifice?  Can you relate how your life is influenced by living prophets and the restored ordinances of the gospel? Think about how you can share your most cherished beliefs, the truths you know, in order to be better understood.

Remember: it’s terrific to be specific!

A welcome invitation

"Dear Daisy Cottage" is a must-share blogs in the way that a good chocolate chip cookie must be shared.

The author evokes such coziness through her photographs and commentary, I immediately felt she had invited me into her home and heart even though we had figuratively speaking just met!

What a pleasure and privilege to be her neighbor!

Enjoy!

Link: Daisy Cottage: Rocking Chair.

Launching Ground

“My brethren, be of good cheer and let us go in search of the flocks, and we will gather them together and bring them back unto the place of water; and thus we will preserve the flocks unto the king and he will not slay us.” Alma 17:31

I like to think of common ground as a “launching ground” probably because I like action more than talk.  I find that building relations by projects--rallying around a cause--is an effective way to build mutual respect, especially among those groups that typically find it hard to move past differences. When groups work together focusing on a cause they often develop mutual respect and understanding.

Ammon did this. He focused on a community cause. He didn’t first engage the King or the people in lengthy dialogues, but instead got moving. He rallied others around a grand cause which led to mutual respect and trust among groups who were previously hostile.

Launching ground is the place we acknowledge our differences, but also acknowledge that the work--the cause--is too big to do by ourselves or by one group alone. Launching ground is the place where we don’t try to convince the other they are wrong, but rather the place where we find a way to work together. It’s the place where we get moving.

Many community groups have found common ground when they have come together to strengthen families. Diane Mack started Family Week in Blue Springs, Missouri. Now she finds herself working with other faiths that traditionally have used their differences as barriers. Diane, a Latter-day Saint, has been invited to many churches to speak about family home evening.  As a result, several groups have adopted Monday night as family night. A modern-day Ammon, Diane Mack has rallied the community to help families.

Strengthening families in our communities. Now there is a big idea to launch! And an effective place to find common ground because many people and groups want to rally around that big idea.

Can you, your ward, or stake partner with the YMCA, the PTO, the city council, or the Rotary Club to launch Family Week or Family Night?

Getting started is as simple as finding one partner. Diane Mack started with her PTO. Each year the effort grew as new partners came on board. Today Family Week in Blue Springs is supported by a wide range of community groups.

Learn more about Family Week at these links:

Blue Spring’s Family Week:

http://www.familyweek.info/

Diane Mack, Family Week leader:

http://www.bluespringsgov.com/Default%20Page%20Links/2002_Citizen_of_the_Year.htm

Rotary Club and their involvement in Family Week:

http://www.meridianmagazine.com/articles/050609empower.html

http://www.meridianmagazine.com/articles/050610empower.html

National Family Week web site offers guidelines and resources. They recommend November for Family Week, but the event can be held at any time that is right for your community.

http://www.nationalfamilyweek.org/

More about launching Family Strengthening initiatives:

http://www.meridianmagazine.com/familyconnections/030606change.html

See also your stake’s public affairs council and the public affairs Training Guild for additional tips and support.

Giving a face to our faith

Relationships create the environments that allow humans to extend their circles of caring. Mary Pipher

One of my friends (I'll call her Emily) told me of a recent conversation with one of her dearest friends (I'll call her Thea). Emily and Thea's daughters, both eight-years-old, became fast friends while in kindergarten, and their mothers soon followed suit. Thea, originally from northern Europe, had been an exchange student in New England some years ago. Now married to a fellow European, and having settled in New England, she remains in contact with her host family parents whom she affectionately refers to as mom and dad.

As Emily and Thea have grown closer over the years they have often spoken of religion; Emily is LDS and Thea is Catholic. Through their friendship, they have shared their beliefs with one another. Thea attended Emily's daughter's baptism, bringing her roses to celebrate the occasion, and in turn Emily attended Thea's daughter's first communion.

At Christmastime, Thea's family was visiting her host family, and as conversations often do, theirs turned to politics and the possible presidential contenders. As Thea and her mother spoke of the possible candidates, her mom commented, "Mitt Romney's a Mormon. Mormons are so weird. How could he even think of running?"

The purpose of this blog is not to promote presidential candidates, but to speak of the positive ramifications of extending ourselves beyond the comfort of our Mormon faith. Which in the case of Thea and Emily was at least two-fold. Not only have Thea and Emily and their daughters developed friendships that make the world feel a safer place, when the LDS church was innocently maligned, Thea immediately came to its defense, telling her host mother that Mormons are good people, not weird at all.

And yes there's more.

Several weeks after Thea's Christmas visit, her host mother called her, and shared that she had recently read an article in the press which explained what Mormons believe; she had learned that we not only have a strong focus on the family, we are also Christians.

Her mom ended by saying, "Maybe I could vote for a Mormon after all."

What can we learn from Thea and Emily's story?

1. Emily and Thea became friends because they were able to find common ground, which was initially that their daughters were friends. While Emily did share a Book of Mormon with Thea at one point, when Thea and her husband chose not to learn more, nothing changed in their friendship. Their love and respect for one another extends to supporting one another in their respective religious traditions.

2. If people don't have a point of reference in real experience, the discussion about our faith is academic, even clinical, and more likely than not our detractors will have the final word.

3. If these same individuals can put a face to our faith, especially as a result of true friendship which involves inviting one another into our homes and hearts - our friends will come to our defense when our faith is vilified, because the discussion is no longer academic, it's personal.

4. While the low-touch approach of generating positive press about our faith is certainly important, the high-touch approach is crucial, as we saw in Emily and Thea's experience. For a more in-depth discussion on the high-touch approach, see The Spirit of Ammon.

Think Outside the Cultural Hall

On New Years Day, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch ran articles about making and keeping New Year’s resolutions. Among them were tips provided by financial gurus for managing wealth. I liked the visionary statement from Jim Winkelman, principal with Blue Ocean Portfolios in Clayton, Missouri, who said, “For a person to become rich in all aspects of their lives, they need to learn to collaborate.”

I am about to reveal the key to successful living, the Holy Grail for living a grand life, a fulfilling life, even a very, very rich life.

Collaboration!

I could go on and on about what collaboration is doing for my business. I am an interior designer. I could go on about what collaboration has done to help my family. My focus for our purposes is what collaboration can do to help Latter-day Saints better enjoy the fellowship of their community.

I have learned again and again that in many of our activities to build the Kingdom, we are more effective if we work with others who are not of our faith. Did you catch that? We “need” to work with those not of our faith in order to build the Kingdom of God.

I don’t like to share negative examples, but I think this one is instructive. There was a public affairs council that wanted to reach out to ministers in their area. They decided to host a monthly breakfast meeting for ecclesiastical leaders to fellowship and talk about issues facing the community. They invited local ministers to attend this meeting only to learn that a monthly meeting of clergy had already existed for years!

Let’s learn this lesson once: to involve the community in an activity, involve the community in the planning process! Collaborate.

Now by contrast, think for a minute about Ammon’s example. Why didn’t he take the Sons of Mosiah with him to the hostile territory of the Lamanites? Didn’t he need their help? Wouldn’t he enjoy working with his fellow comrades, friends who shared his beliefs? Did he think he could do it alone? Ammon knew he could serve the community by working with others, beyond his circle of friends and fellow-saints, even those he had not worked with previously and those who did not share his beliefs.

As I mentioned previously, the O’Fallon Stake Public Affairs Committee is planning a large event to celebrate Black History in East St. Louis. In planning and executing this event they are involving members of the community to lead and to sit on committees. The community friends are providing guidance to the public affairs council regarding key organizational issues such as who to partner with and where and when to hold the event. The friends are joining their regular council meetings by conference call. Some friends have offered to join in prayer. O’Fallon Stake is an excellent example of thinking outside the cultural hall. By partnering with community friends they are enlarging their capacity to serve!

How can your Church or family council collaborate with community friends to more effectively accomplish the purposes of your programs?  I offer the following process:

1. Start by thinking about what you want to achieve (your purpose/ mission statement) and what activity might help you accomplish that goal.
2. Then brainstorm about like-minded friends within your community who would enjoy working with you.
3. Brainstorm with community friends and gather their ideas.
4. Make plans and involve your friends in the planning, whether formally or informally.

You’ll be rolling in no time!

Here are some ideas to jump start your thinking:

• Youth leaders might work with rotary club members to host a career night and invite friends to give presentations.
• The Relief Society could partner with the YMCA to help literacy efforts.
• The High Priest group might work with genealogical societies to host family history activities.
• A family could host a family home evening block party with the Fire Department to help the family and neighbors be better prepared for disaster.

Bishops and stake presidents can help members learn to collaborate by asking auxiliary leaders this question: What community friends can we partner with for that activity? And teach them the process.

Think outside the cultural hall! Collaborate by partnering - formally or informally – to do your work, whatever the work, better.  You’ll be richly blessed as your capacity to serve and your circle of friends is enlarged.

Please share with us examples of Latter-day Saints who have been blessed by collaborating with community friends.

Thank you Mr. Ellsworth

Each of us is a public affairs chairman. Hugh W. Pinnock

In response to a recent editorial cartoon in Massachusetts Metro-West Daily News, there appeared the following letter to the editor.

“Shame on Dave Granlund; his Wednesday editorial page cartoon was vicious and not at all funny. I worked for a Salt Lake City based high-tech start-up for three years. It was owned by two brothers. They both tithed - large amounts of money. They were active in the Mormon Church - both elders. One resigned from his company to return to missionary service in Africa. And, they both were and are monogamous.

To portray Mormons in general, but Mormons for Romney in particular, as bigamous hayseeds is untrue, egregiously so. Worse, it is an uncalled for insult. Mormons are almost universally courteous. They do not drink, smoke or curse. They are unfailingly polite, and the worst language that I ever heard from the entire company in the three years I worked with them was "drat." Finally, they are monogamous.

Granlund - shame on you. You have betrayed, certainly, your ignorance but, perhaps also, your bias. This cartoon is not funny, it is egregiously vicious.” John Ellsworth, Ashland, Massachusetts

What would I want us to learn (and do) after reading this editorial?

1. Recall what Ammon teaches. Having been befriended by, and worked alongside Mormons, Mr. Ellsworth freely endorsed and defended Mormons to the press and the community.

Do you remember what the servants said when the King inquired about Ammon’s feats: “Whether he be the Great Spirit or a man, we know not: But this much we do know…that he is a friend to the king.” (Alma 18:3)

2. Recommit to a high-touch approach within our communities. John Ellsworth was willing to defend the church, not because of positive press about the church, but because he had worked alongside members of the church and had good experiences with them.

A church-sponsored survey taken in 2002 further underscores the effectiveness of the high-touch approach. Respondents were asked two questions: (1) When you think of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, what do you think? and (2) Does your top-of-mind response generate positive or negative feelings? Of the 8% who had a Mormon acquaintance, nearly 100% had positive feelings.

3. Say thank-you.

How wonderful it would be if the members of the church that live in Ashland sent Mr. Ellsworth a note, or better yet, invited him to one of their homes simply to say thank-you. After all, to a small degree he sacrificed his time and imperiled his reputation on their and our behalf.