"Non" Be Gone

Yes, indeed, we have another entry from Dana King. Not only is the content compelling, her slogan "'Non' Be Gone" is one of those keeper phrases that I won't soon forget. I hope you won't either.

...I believe it would be good if we eliminated a couple of phrases from our vocabulary: “nonmember” and “non-Mormon.” Such phrases can be demeaning and even belittling. Elder M. Russell Ballard, Doctrine of Inclusion, Ensign, May 2001, 35.

I’m starting a campaign and I hope you’ll join. It will be life changing – you will become more perceptive and sensitive to others’ feelings. You’ll become a better Christian.

Let me explain. I have long felt that terms such as “non-member” and “investigator” leave visitors to our Church feeling cold and excluded, let alone bewildered. Putting myself in someone else’s shoes, I would not want to be called a non-member, if I were not a member of this Church.

Elder M. Russell Ballard feels the same way:

“Personally, I don’t consider myself to be a “non-Catholic” or a “non-Jew.” I am a Christian. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. That is how I prefer to be identified—for who and what I am, as opposed to being identified for what I am not. Let us extend that same courtesy to those who live among us. If a collective description is needed, then “neighbors” seems to work well in most cases.”

When President N. Rock Erekson, a counselor in the St. Louis Missouri Stake Presidency, served as leader of the Pagedale Branch, he encouraged branch members to eliminate such words as non-member and investigator. The branch council and missionaries suggested alternative descriptions such as: friend, first-time visitor, new-to-the-Gospel, and friend of another faith.

Those who have eliminated the “non-word” from their LDS lexicon tell me it affects people in a couple ways. President Erekson noticed visitors to the Pagedale Branch no longer looked puzzled or awkwardly asked, “What’s a non-member?” But the most striking difference President Erekson noticed was in him: “I felt changed for doing this.”

That is a common feeling among those who have dropped “non-member” in favor of more inclusive language. Kara Hess, community relations assistant for St. Louis Missouri Stake Public Affairs also felt changed: “It has made me more aware of who I am speaking with/about and how I think and interact with friends of other faiths.”

Can simply eliminating a word from our vocabulary help us become more sensitive and perceptive in our relationships? I believe the results show it is an effective way to start.

Try the experiment, if you haven’t already, and join the campaign – “Non” Be Gone! It is simple to participate: just pledge to never use exclusionary terms in any setting – private or public - to describe our friends. It takes a little effort, but the rewards are life changing.

And just think. If every family and ward joined the campaign what can happen? Our foyers and homes might fill with friends and neighbors drawn to us, not only for our choice of inclusive terms, but also for the way we practice our faith as a result of our new-found sensitivity.

If you think your family, ward or stake can benefit from this life-changing campaign, consider sharing this post and leading a discussion in your family or Church council.

Repeat after me: Strike “non” from our lexicon!

Comments

[Dana King]

Heidi,

How does "friend" sound, or "neighbor" as Elder Ballard suggests? How would that have made you feel when you were investigating?

I agree "friend of another faith" has to be in the right context.

See my blog - New Convert? - for more thoughts related to the term new-to-the-gospel. Ann Trujillo, who also provides commentary, agrees with you, as do I, that new-to-the-gospel may not be appropriate.

I am sure not everyone is off put by being called "non-member", but I am more comfortable if they apply the term to themselves. I won't use the term non-member because of the feedback from so many who don't like the term. And, also because practicing inclusive language has made me more sensitive to others. Those are the motivating factors for me.

Thank you for giving us another perspective.

[Heidi]

I don't know about this. There are two sides to this question. As a convert to the church I was happy to call myself a "non-member" just because I felt that I did not want to be included before I was ready. I experienced that calling myself a "non-member" gave members of the church an understanding that they may believe all these things, but I may not agree, so don't include me before I say so.

When it comes to the term investigator - that was exactly what I saw myself as. I was investigating the church and trying to find out more about it.

I do not believe that "you'll become a better Christian" when excluding these terms from your vocabulary. And I would have been a lot more offended being called "friend of another Faith" or "new-to-the-Gospel" because in my eyes I did not have another Faith, neither was I new to the Gospel. I can see today where you're coming from with these phrases, but at the time I would not have accepted them. And I have reason to believe there are others out there that might react the same way.

[Dana King]

Hi Jessica,

There will always be those in any faith who want to be truer than true. I won't let that stop me from following Elder Ballard's suggestion. Will you?

Dana

[Jessica]

OH brother. People will choose to be offended if they want to be. I'll agree that "non-member" sounds more exclusionary than "not a member."

My main gut reaction to this whole discussion is that it will just become another way that members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints compare themselves to one another. The more righteous and pure in heart you are, the fewer times you'll slip up and say the now taboo words "not a member." Much like the way academics inwardly dismiss people who answer the question "How are you doing?" with the glaringly grammatically incorrect "I'm doing good."

People in Christ's time could have been offended that they were described as fish meant to be caught up in nets by "fishers of men."

[John Totten]

This is great idea. I think friend is appropriate. We have much in common with friends. This is sort of akin to an experience I had on the Navajo Reservation. Native Americans who are active members of the Church typically object to be called Lamanites because of the negative label that was put on them in the Book of Mormon. They seem to appreciate more being called Children of Lehi and I thought it would be even better to be Children of Abraham. The Navajo Nation as a whole do not want to be called Indians either and their preference is Native American or Navajo or Dine meaning The People.

[Ann Trujillo]

I completely agree with "Non Be Gone." The only "new and improved" phrase I might hesitate to use would be "new to the gospel." Many of our friends might not consider themselves at all new to the gospel, since they have the Bible, perhaps have attended and participated in Christian churches, and perhaps are already striving to live a Christ-centered life.

Here's something that's somewhat related - one of the things that makes me cringe is when members say something like, "He's not a member, but he's a really good person" - as if we as members of the Church have the market cornered on being good people!

[Justin Ekins]

I agree completely! When someone tells me that so-and-so is a non-member, I pretend like I think they are referring to their gym membership status. "Oh really?" Jake's not a member? Where does he work out then?

[Julie Echols]

What a great post! I am adding "non" be gone to my list of New Years and life long resolutions. Communication is so important and how we "label" people can be so belittling or empowering. I will commit to working harder at training my tongue and thinking of the person before the category...which means I get to be more inclusive and welcome ALL of my brothers and sisters in the world into my life. Thanks for sharing this great insight and practical idea.