knowyourneighbor

Darius Gray: By Their Fruits Ye Shall Know Them

Noticing that I hadn't posted on here for about a year, my 10 yr-old daughter quipped, "Mom, you need to write something. This blog can't become an orphan."

Within a week, my co-blogger Dana King flags this post by Darius Gray, a man whom I admire deeply, because he has lived his life reaching across all sorts of aisles.  It's titled "By Their Fruits Ye Shall Know Them."

Are you known for finding common ground?   

Mothers find common ground

This past weekend I went to a Power of Moms Retreat.

There were two days full of training on how to create family systems, pick priorities, organize your time, and take care of the person inside of the mother.  There were also lots of wonderful conversations amongst c. 25-30 mothers, primarily from New England.

Frequently when you bring together a group of people, the majority of whom are from the same religious/cultural/ethnic background, there tends to be a clustering, or the forming of cliques. With 2/3 of the attendees being Mormon at this retreat, that easily could have happened.

But it didn't.

We learned, encouraged, and formed friendships, building upon our desire to be great mothers.

It was unusual -- and deeply satisfying.

As building community always is.

Minimalist living makes us better neighbors

Do you sometimes feel you don't have time to meet your neighbor? Too caught up in the rat race?

Tammy Strobel

Tammy Strobel of RowdyKittens proposes a minimalist lifestyle will help you have more time to KYN. It's not really a matter of time, but it is a way of living, an art-form as she notes: The Art of Community Building.

I am a believer that living simply enriches our life. I thought I was, living more simply than most, that is, but I am still fully caught up in the rat race. "Just keeping up" is the big job now. Before my husband lost his job I had a full life volunteering in community organizations and writing for this blog. But after nearly nine months of unemployment I find I have to let go of the volunteering I enjoyed to take on extra work and make ends meet. I come home at night to see my neighbors lights out. On the rare occasion I bump into them, they ask if I have been away or if I am doing well.

I miss my volunteering life; I miss my neighbors.

So I have been thinking. This is time of reflection for my husband and me. What kind of life do we want going forward? Unemployment will end eventually, can the rat race end too? What about the next setback? Will it derail my community-building again?

I want to preempt that from happening. Reading RowdyKittens helps me to assess our lifestyle. I am thinking more deeply than ever about how I can live more, love more and create more by having and doing less.

For many, the economy has taken a toll and one that may be long-lasting. What changes are you considering to enhance your life going forward?

Bonnie White Implements Know your Neighbour

During the 2010 Resolutionary Challenge helmed by Bonnie White, in three out of 12 weeks, points could be earned for implementing Know Your Neighbor.

If you've wondered about how to launch this initiative, and more importantly, how it can impact you and yours, click here to read about Bonnie's experience.

Have you gotten to know your neighbor?

What have you learned?

James Faulconer: Fostering Religious Understanding

This coming week, I will be attending a luncheon honoring one of my colleagues.  In advance of the luncheon, the organizer contacted me asking for my sign-off on several people he wanted to invite to participate, explaining their world views may different significantly from the honoree's.  Was this ok?

I deeply appreciated his sensitivity to our Mormon beliefs, but at some level, I wondered why this conversation had even come up.   Are we as Mormons doing something to convey that we don't welcome differences of opinion, and if so, can we do more to convey that we welcome the opportunity to engage with people who think differently than we do?  Because we recognize, as clearly the event organizer does, that we all feel more connected to the world around us when we seek out and tread common ground. 

In the Spring 2010 edition of BYU Magazine, there's an article titled Fostering Religious Understanding by Sue E. Bergin. In this article, BYU Philosophy professor James E. Faulconer tells of being a graduate student at Pennsylvania State University, and studying the book of Genesis with one of his professors who was a part-time rabbi. 

Faulconer shares, "I was a returned missionary and a convert to the church, and I thought I knew a lot.  I'm studying these scriptural passages with him, and I'm thinking, 'Oh my goodness, I had no idea that this was here.' It wasn't that I learned something that was contrary to what I believe.  It's that I learned things I had never seen."

Author Bergin continues:  "Faulconer uses a marriage analogy to explain how people of different faiths can enrich each others' lives.  When God tells Adam it's not good that he's a lone, He says He will make a help meet for him.  Faulconer points out that "help meet" is not one word but two.  "It's help that is meet for you--appropriate help.  The root of those words is 'helper opposite'--one who stands over against you.  So it means, 'I'm going to make someone different from you.' If I married myself, that would not be very interesting.  What's the point?  The difference is enriching.  I think the same thing is true of our relationships with people outside the Church.  The differences among us enrich our lives.  I learn a lot more about life.  My life is fuller."

A help that is meet for you-- appropriate help.

Who in our lives -- who doesn't believe quite what you or I believe -- can enrich our lives, can give us help that is meet?

Are we seeking them out?

  

Lobby with Your Neighbor: Minuteman Lobbyist

One of my high school friends, Henry Cate (he tutored me in Pre-Calculus -- and yes, he's still smart) started a blog titled The Minuteman Lobbyist.

Here's an excerpt:

Minutemen contributed to the colonists’ victory in the American Revolution. These men were the early response team of the local militia. Minutemen were trained to react quickly. The success at Lexington and Concord was due in part to the rapid mobilization of minutemen, citizens who cared about their rights and opposed the dictatorial degrees of the king.

I recently came to the conclusion that I am a Minuteman Lobbyist.

He then outlines several things we can do to be lobbyists on just a few minutes a day -- and makes it very easy -- like providing links to our Senators and Congressman.

Here's why I like this idea.

1)  It is bi-partisan, reaching across the aisle.  His fundamental rationale is to get each of us to be involved in the political process, as the Minuteman were; the specifics of our political views are far less relevant than the fact that it's important to be engaged.

2) Knowing our Neighbor is about reaching across the aisle to find ideas and values in common beyond religion.  Politics is a playground where this can happen.

3) For those that want to get involved, but have little time, this is a perfect way to do it.  I have done some of all that he suggests, I also try to make political contributions, even little ones of $25, as a means of reminding myself that I value our political system -- and certain views.

Check out the Minuteman Lobbyist here.

Finding Healing and Common Ground after Proposition 8

My daughter Audrey, a Washington University student, was recently honored for her work in the LGBT community. Her involvement with LGBT community has been hard on me, especially as Audrey feels, perhaps, that issues facing the LGBT alienate her from the faith in which she was raised.

At the award ceremony I couldn't have been more proud when members of the LGBT thanked Audrey for promoting sensitivity on a wide range of issues affecting their community.  

Audrey reaches out. She wants people to understand each other, if not agree, but especially to love each other and treat each other with respect and kindness.

Audrey tears up when she relates stories of members of the LGBT community who have been killed or abused. Her feelings run deep, and like her mom, she can't stand by without doing something. I guess it's in our genes.

So she has organized safe zones on her Washington University campus, teaching students and teachers to be sensitive to issues facing those persons with same-sex attraction. And many other activities...her work has been tireless and consistent. It's a work I have not thoroughly appreciated for the main reason that same-sex marriage is such a dividing issue. But Audrey and her friends have taught me that there is much more I can get on board with that is of importance to the LGBT community. I can find common ground.

I have often thought about our church communities, LDS and other faiths, particularly in the aftermath of Proposition 8. Though miles away from California, the tense season was divisive and felt keenly in our family and in our ward here in Missouri. Many were left hurting.

It's time for talk. And Oakland Stake President, Dean Criddle, created a beautiful dialog that you can read in a very balanced article in the Salt Lake Tribune. How I am grateful for his leadership. Thank you President Criddle. I needed to see your example and feel of the healing your stake is experiencing.

I have to think that Oakland Stake members will be better neighbors as a result of the dialog.

Boston Globe: The Curious Economic Effects of Religion

Have you seen this article in the Boston Globe?

Satan the Great Motivator:  The curious economic effects of religion

Author Michael Fitzgerald, writes, "A pair of Harvard researchers recently examined 40 years of data from dozens of countries, trying to sort out the impact of religion on economic growth.  Their finding that religion has a measurable effect on developing economies...stands as one of the more intriguing findings in a growing body of recent research exploring how religion might influence the wealth and prosperity of societies.

In recent years, Italian economists have presented findings that religion can boost GDP by increasing trust within a society; researchers in the United States showed that religion reduces corruption and increases respect for law in ways that boost overall economic growth. A number of researchers have documented how merchants used religious backgrounds to establish one another’s reliability."

As practicing Mormons, we don't need these academic studies to tell us what we know from our own experience.  Many of us have seen firsthand the impact of religion on developing economies, and we have all experienced increased trust in our society, respect for the law, and a higher degree of comfort in doing business with Mormons than non-Mormons.  While doing business with those of the same religion can be exploited to bilk people of millions of dollars (and has been, across religions), let's assume that it isn't, and ask ourselves the following question:   

Given the clear positive effects of religion (e.g. pulling people out of poverty), can we as Mormons, be encouraging of religious devotion generally?  

Feeling as we feel about our faith, it is understandable that we want all to believe what we believe, but realistically that won't happen.  In the meantime, why not encourage all the good that comes from practicing a religion, regardless of its tenets?

Most importantly, what form can our encouragement take?

Facebook Santa Team

Treneice Miller is a new member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

To celebrate and show gratitude for her new found faith, she wanted to do something for a deserving family this Christmas.

Treneice didn't have much to give, but thought perhaps she could enlarge her contribution with a few friends via facebook. Several friends and her Pagedale Branch of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints got on board to help.

While social media can often be faceless -- as in we don't often actually see each other -- it can also provide a means to connect.

What examples can you share where service has been organized via social media?

Is this a way to put an actual face on facebook?

Connections and Communities: Learnings from Orson Scott Card

Four years ago, several of my friends started a salon-style women's group here in Boston.  The topics have been wide-ranging, from "History of the Middle East",  "Micro-Finance", "In Defense of Wonderland", to "Reflections on Mothering".  Each of the founding members, who are Mormon, has invited friends and associates who are not Mormon to attend.  Our friends come and enjoy, but they don't keep coming.   

I've wondered why.

***

On Thursday, we celebrated Thanksgiving with friends and their family who were up from New York. 

My husband and I had never met our friends' sister, but within five minutes of meeting one another, we had discovered many mutual friends.  New York and Boston are large cities, the Mormon communities are not.

It may be months or years before I see my friends' sister again, but when I do, I will feel connected to her.  She's not only my friend's sister, she's the friend of my dear friends, her colleague from work took piano from the father of another of friend, and so on.

***

In Orson Scott Card's book The Call of Earth we learn of the character Hushith. As a raveler, Hushith "lives in the constant awareness of all the connections and relationships among the people around her." Having a web-sense is naturally the most important thing in her life, as she watches people connect and detach from each other, forming communities and dissolving them."

If Hushith were to observe your community and mine, what would she see?  No doubt, she would find powerful connections amongst those with whom we worship.  Would she also find we are connected to our neighbors, the people with whom we work, go to school?

***

When we meet other Mormons, we share beliefs, language, experiences.  If we live in Boston or New York, it's likely that the filaments or strands that connect us to that person isn't a single strand, but many.  It's quite wonderful.

It also may explain why it feels harder, and requires more effort, to make friends, and build bridges, with those outside our faith.

It's worth the effort.  There are so many wonderful people to know and to care about.  And our world will feel happier and safer the more friends we have. 

But knowing it's going to be harder, somehow makes it easier.

Reaching out during times of trial

In ward council the challenges faced by families and the ward are often discussed. I visited a ward council today and something that was said made me think of this story:

A ward in which I lived was over taxed in offering round-the-clock nursing care for Sister Robinson in the late stages of Lou Gehrig’s disease. Our wise Bishop West knew the job was bigger than his ward, so he shared Sister Robinson’s needs with others including friends at work. They joined in to help, signing up for shifts, organized by the Relief Society, to give care to Sister Robinson.

Friends and neighbors interaction with church members led to substantive shared experiences in service that naturally led to conversations about Christ and church teachings and invitations to ward and stake activities. The members and the Robinson family were grateful for the additional help.

When we feel overwhelmed by our challenges, perhaps when we feel like drawing inward, is this really a time to reach out? Can we be served in some way by our community?

Even in our challenges we can find opportunities to reach out.

 

The Mormon Ethic of Civility

There recently appeared a press release in the LDS newsroom titled The Mormon Ethic of Civility.  As we think about how to engage as a stake, ward, family or individual, I'd urge us to consider the following:

Civility is not only a matter of discourse. It is primarily a mode of engagement. The technological interconnectedness of society has made isolation impossible. Of all the institutions in the modern world, religion has had perhaps the greatest difficulty adjusting to the reality of give and take with the public.

In our work life, and with our children, we are continually looking for the win-win, do we think about finding the win-win when we engage as Mormons?

President Monson emphasized the importance of cooperation in civic endeavors: “We have a responsibility to be active in the communities where we live, all Latter-day Saints, and to work cooperatively with other churches and organizations. My objective there is ... that we eliminate the weakness of one standing alone and substitute for it the strength of people working together.”

It's not that easy to do.  We've learned to move ourselves into a win-lose mindset when it comes to our faith.  But there are ways to engage civilly, to support 'anything that is virtuous, lovely, or of good report" in win-win, small snatches of time, ways.

For example, Penelope Trunk, in her Brazen Careerist blog recently wrote All Career Issues are Religious Issues.  Maybe.   It was a terrific article.  As a person of faith, you'll likely agree with most all that she says. 

What if you or I were to have passed this article along?  Or left a comment telling her thank you for acknowledging the importance of religion in our career and our lives?  It's a simple way to help make the climate broadly welcoming of religion.

We have so much on our plates.
But just as incivility, like road rage, can happen in small snatches, even seconds,
so too, can civility.

"...call it what they are"

Did you hear? Sister Julie B. Beck, General Relief Society President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is asking us to stop calling our mini-classes (a.k.a "homemaking meetings"  -- a title of yesteryear I am still stuck on) Home, Family and Personal Enrichment. 

Nothing lost on me, it was a title I could never remember the sequence of things or say ten times fast.

I suppose I could have tried. I did after all learn "two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun."

But why?

Sister Beck said, "Let's call it what they are." 

Oh, thank you!

Why bring this up in Know Your Neighbor? Because I am concerned about language in the Church that only church members understand. Isn't it nice when we can use a term or title our neighobr understands and we don't have to translate?

I can invite my neighbor to the Relief Society meeting, conference or seminar...etc. Easy, I don't have to translate.

It's a simple change that I see as monumental.

Besides being easier to say, there are, I know, implications for the Relief Society brand (forgive the corporate reference), though I have no professional expertise in marketing. My co- KYN blogger, Whitney Johnson, will likely have more insight, but this is my thinking.

In the previous title of Home, Family, Personal Enrichment with two all beef patties, special sauce...etc., -- oh I am confused -- there was no association with the brand name Relief Society. The longish title, though descriptive, begged the question: so whose putting this on?

Relief Society does this, that's who. The implication: this meeting, seminar, group, club or workshop is brought to you by a worldwide sisterhood. 

Translation for our neighbors: Sisters Rock!...and you are welcome to join the fun.

Elder Ballard: Talking about our Beliefs

In his commencement speech at BYU, Elder Ballard encouraged us to avoid being defensive in speaking about our beliefs.

“In our interactions with others are we expecting always to have to defend ourselves?  If so, I think we need to make a course correction...It is inconsistent with where we are today as a Church and as a great body of followers of Jesus Christ.”  

I know I can be defensive -- not so much when people ask questions.  But if I think about Elder Ballard's remarks and define 'defense' as the opposite of 'offense', I tend to play defense when it comes to my spiritual life.

Here's just a small example.

Last Sunday, Neal Robison asked the question from the pulpit, "When your colleagues ask you what you did over the weekend, do you say I went to church, or talk about what you did that was church-related or do you instead talk about your large-scale gardening project, for example?"

I'll wager (if I did wager) that 4 out of 5 of us said the latter.

He then asked, "What if today after church when we write on Facebook (which he did do, btw) or tomorrow when we speak to work colleagues, or parents of our children's friends, etc.  and they ask what we did this weekend, we say, "I had a great day at church -- there were some really inspiring talks [and I just love playing the piano for the young children]?"

We're pretty good at defense.

Shall we throw in a little offense?

Eunice Shriver: Faith Informed Her Life

I recently wrote about Eunice Shriver, a woman of capacity and courage, over at dare to dream.

Having read an excerpt from Cardinal O'Malley's tribute, I am further intrigued.  He writes:

"Her Catholic faith and education was a very important part of what motivated her and helped her to interpret reality...She reminds me very much of Jean Vanier who founded the L'Arche movement in Canada. That movement was born out of the Church's teachings on the dignity of every human person as a treasure made in the image and likeness of God and of our obligation to care for each other and to recognize the gift in each person."

Who do you know that is Muslim, Catholic, Jewish, Protestant -- whose faith motivates them, helps them to interpret reality -- to do good?

What kinds of wonderful conversations might we have with our faith in God and desire to do good as a starting point? 

I Don't Have Neighbors Anymore

A lovely woman in the Northboro Ward, Boston MA Stake, recently shared the following experience:

Last week, Mrs. Whittier, our former neighbor, called.

She had just spent the first night alone since her husband Dr. Whittier died.  After speaking for awhile, asking about our five daughters whom she knew well and they her, Mrs. Whittier said, "I don't have neighbors anymore."

In our old neighborhood, there are lots of people within close proximity of Mrs. Whittier.  That's not the problem.   What I think she was saying is -- since your family has moved, there aren't people with whom I feel connected to, toward whom I feel neighborly goodwill.

Do we have neighbors?

Are we neighbors?

Singing Mayor

Can your mayor sing?

Well the Hillsboro ward – St. Louis Missouri South Stake – knows Mayor Roland can.

He sang a special number in their sacrament meeting. Bishop Wright said the mayor enjoyed the experience so much that he will be back to sing with the ward choir for Christmas.

Steve Davis, Director of Public Affairs for the stake said this is a perfect example of how public affairs can be simple and rewarding.

As “simple” as an invitation.

What community leaders do you know who can sing?

Remember the singing Senators?

Faces and Names: Thoughts on the Arrest of a Harvard Professor

So, so much controversy around the arrest of Professor Henry Louis Gates, Jr.

As with most controversies, no pancake is so thin there aren't two sides.

For me, however, there's an a priori question.

Are we now to the point where we not only don't know our neighbors by name, we don't even know them by face?

I know many of my neighbors by face, some by name. 

I could do better.

Maybe you can too.

Serve.gov

I appreciate President Obama's call to service this summer. Consider his invitation and register or sign-up for your project and share your experience. See: serve.gov

The last time President Obama called us to serve our communities was Martin Luther King Day. In St. Louis, we saw record numbers of people serving. One project our Lindell ward participated in was eight times the size it was the previous year.

Let's serve with our neighbors!

Mormon Tabernacle Choir in St. Louis -- What Can We Learn?

My co-blogger Dana King, recently published the above article in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch.

I was struck by the reader comments; one reader was disappointed that there weren't more Mormon hymns.  

I love the Mormon hymns.  So many of them help me bear testimony to what I believe in a way that words can't.

But wouldn't their singing all Mormon hymns have defeated the primary purpose for bringing the choir to St. Louis?

Which, I think is, to help us make friends as a church.  Friends that we could use a lot more of.  And friends that only music and the Mormon Tabernacle choir can help us make.

  

To make those friends, we need to reach across the aisle -- to hear the Choir sing songs we don't know.

To find all that is virtuous, lovely or praiseworthy, and seek after these things.

With our neighbors.